


Thanatophobia

by Hallie_Blue



Series: Drift Away Sweet Vagabond - a 6b centric series [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Confused Theo Raeken, Gen, Implied alexithymia, Like it happens but not mentioned in much detail., M/M, Mentions of suicide in name only, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Theo Raeken, Slow Burn, Theo can smell that Liam is Hurt from when Gabe and Nolan attacked him., Vague implications of mental health issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-19 23:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11908452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallie_Blue/pseuds/Hallie_Blue
Summary: Theo starts to work towards a better understanding of emotions than just what they smell like and how to fake them and realizes that maybe his care for Liam Dunbar might be more than platonic along the way.





	1. Theo vs. Caring

**Author's Note:**

> About The Title:
> 
> Thanatophobia (n.)- The phobia of losing someone you love. 
> 
>  
> 
>  

Theodore “Theo” Raeken doesn’t fear much short of pain, and dying, and dying painfully, and let's not forget being sent back to his own personal Hell for another round of torture from his dead twin. He doesn’t worry about other people either and he definitely isn’t one to help strangers who get him kidnapped and electrocuted for no fucking reason and then get him arrested for the one murder spree he had nothing to do with.  Except he does help...but it’s...it’s just...safety in numbers?

 

He ignores the way that, even in his own thoughts, it sounds more like a question than a fact. He ignores how his time in Hell has made him soft and weak and more...vulnerable. Theo hates the word and everything it stands for...but at least he can understand words. Words have concrete meanings. Emotions don’t. Emotions have names and corresponding chemosignals but they don’t mean anything...at least not anything that Theo can comprehend with an iota of accuracy.

 

Right now Theo has bigger concerns than why he's being unnaturally and unsettlingly helpful...because he's in a jail cell...for _murder...again._ He's seen more than enough of the inside of this cell for the rest of his life but he keeps ending up here anyway. At least this time it's not his own fault.

 

Theo sighs. Rolls his eyes and makes a point to be just the right balance of snarky and charming. Which is difficult because he can smell Liam and the McCall Pack from here and Liam smells like _hurt_ and _pain_ and _bad_ and he can smell that even with everything in the building being distorted by a thin veil of fear.

 

He wants to growl and lash out at the two little shits that got him stuck in here with them, only he knows that won't get him out any faster. What will get him out is these two losers confessing to their crimes and proving he wasn't with them. Then he can get his eyes on Liam and see why the beta’s chemosignals are smelling like all kinds of not good.

 

Until then, losing his shit won't help anyone. So he digs way down deep in his ~~dead sister’s~~ heart and summons the closest thing to empathy someone like him can manage. Which is apparently isn't empathy at all so much as just baiting them into defending their actions but hey...he's now on the other side of the cell door signing his release forms...so there's that at least.

 

He's free-ish…

 

Theo looks at Liam through the door to the sheriff's office. The smell of pain is getting fainter but it's still there. Leaving a bitter metallic taste in the air a bit like blood...but that could just be the after effects of more than forty-eight hours of being electrocuted by some sicko pervert who'd been fired from the loony bin.

 

He doesn't have time to dwell on it for long. Everything's gone to hell and the whole damn police station is surrounded by fucking werewolf hunters.

 

Nope.

 

No.

 

Theo is not okay with this...but maybe he should've thought through how to word it better before he went barging into where the McCall Pack is panicking over whether or not Tierney and Zhang (or is it Jiang? Theo's not sure and doesn't really care enough to ask) are worth saving. Which is still a resounding ‘no’ in Theo's mind because the more people they try to save means less likelihood of Liam being safe himself...Especially since Liam smells like he recently got his face kicked in…

 

Why is he spending so much time focusing on _Liam?_ Liam doesn't fixate about _him..._ right? _Right_?

 

Theo is getting tired of the way his brain is fixating on questions and concepts that Theo has no way of understanding or answering on his own. He's not sure, however, if he's counting Liam as a concept or a question in this situation.

 

Anyway...right he just burst into the sheriff's office after hearing Liam say “It's our job to protect people” with the intent to object to them all walking into certain death because Liam already smells like _pain_ ...but he's _Theo Raeken_ and the words come out as “It's not mine.” instead of “don't do drastic shit and get my one almost-friend killed because he's still smelling like hurt for some reason and why the fuck is he smelling like hurt at all”.

 

He's kind of surprised by Scott taking charge of the situation but he supposes that Scott _is_ a True Alpha for a reason even if Theo’s always seen Stiles as the one in control and running the show and shit.  Still,Theo doesn’t know or understand or even want to try to understand how _bursting through a door spewing pessimistic self-centered bullshit_ got translated to _“hey I’m here and totally willing to fight”_. He’d practically been shouting the opposite from the top of his lungs as he’d barged into the conversation.

  
Theo’s will to protest is shut down by the look Liam gives him as the Pack readies themselves for battle, so he just sighs and takes out his claws and wonders for a moment if this means he’s actually part of Scott’s Pack now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) In this fic 'verse Theo has what’s known as “Alexithymia”, considered “a personality construct characterized by  
> the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of  
> alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal  
> relating.” It can have a lot of different sources and forms but with Theo it’s probably stemming from some  
> form of CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect) and in this 'verse I've decided both the CEN and Alexithymia existed in Theo,  
> prior to Tara’s murder. After Liam pulls Theo out of Hell, Theo finally begins to actively seek to better  
> understand these emotions his sister’s punishment pulled forward but he’s still just trying and has not yet  
> fully succeeded in learning how to overcome this “emotional blindness”. Note: alexithymia is not a lack of  
> feelings, it’s a lack of understanding of feelings.
> 
> 2) On Theo with Alexithymia: I have made an effort to show Theo's understanding of emotions is only as deep as "this chemosignal means they feel something called [name of emotion]" hopefully this is not too difficult to pick up on with the way I wrote this.


	2. Theo vs. Fear

Theo isn’t really surprised by the anti-climactic way the sheriff stops them from running head first into certain death and sends the little shits Tierney and  _ Jiang  _ (he may have snuck a glance at the report on the sheriff’s desk to check the spelling... not that he cares) back to their cell. In fact he should be relieved by it. He  _ almost _ is...until Scott McCall asks the damn question. Theo would be perfectly okay with  _ not  _ having learned the answer to it but Scott just had to ask and so Theo somehow ends up more on edge as the result. 

 

Midnight. 

 

They have until midnight to find away to get everyone out alive.

 

_ Theo _ has until midnight to find away to get himself and Liam out of here in one piece so Liam can finish healing and they can put as many miles between themselves and Beacon Hills and these damned  _ Hunters _ as physically possible….and for fucks sake will someone tell him why Liam is hurting in the first place so he can calm down and stop fucking obsessing over the fact that his...the fact that  _ Liam  _ (not  _ his  _ anything...what the fuck brain) is smelling of slowly fading  _ pain  _ and  _ bad  _ and  _ hurt.  _

 

On an unrelated note why does Theo want to nuzzle up to Liam and scent him and take his pain so much? Which, maybe, isn’t such an unrelated note after all, since it all seems to come back to Liam  _ hurting  _ and for fuck’s sake why is  _ Theo  _ of all people the only one who is acknowledging this little fact?

 

Speaking of Liam (which turns out to be something that Theo finds his mind doing with unnerving frequency…) throwing him into a bathroom probably isn’t the best way to express concern. Yelling about how his dead friends are dead and saving the murder twins isn’t going to change that? Yeah...that’s not helping Theo come off as concerned and well intentioned all that much either. In fact it just ends up getting him and Liam to… reconnect. You know, the kind of reconnecting that involves one decking the other with a solid left cross. He hopes punching him in the face was at least cathartic for Liam to some degree. He'd hate for his whole  failed attempt at expressing his concern to have been entirely pointless.

 

He sniffs the air. 

 

_ Fear. _

 

Lots of it. 

 

Too much of it.

 

So much, in fact, that he can no longer pick out distinctions and subtleties between the various deputies and shape-shifters in the building. Which, for someone like Theo, who preferred to rely on the predominantly infallible use of chemosignals over the easier to misinterpret and fake human social cues when it came to determining how to handle a situation, was not an ideal situation to be in. 

 

He could practically feel his coywolf clawing to get out from inside his chest just thinking about going back out to the bullpen of the sheriff's station to the mass of people when he  _ can't use his sense of smell to his full advantage.  _ His whole body is fighting him as he stands up again. It's not so much about pain as it is this strange instinct he has to say low to the ground and hide until the source of the fear is gone.

 

Theo tries to ignore the rapidly healing would-be-bruise on his face and the not-concussion from smacking his head first on the wall and then again on the floor almost immediately. He’s been trying really really hard lately but...well...if caring about Liam and the McCall Pack’s survival get’s him face punched what’s the fucking point exactly? Why can’t Liam see that throwing himself to the hunters on a silver platter over two strays he doesn’t even know isn’t going to bring his friends back from the dead? Why can’t he see that all it would do is add Liam to the ever growing list of dead werewolves in Beacon Hills? Why can’t Liam see that Liam is the one name Theo doesn’t want to see on that aforementioned ever growing list? 

 

Okay...maybe he doesn’t want to see any of McCall’s Pack’s names… or his own….but he’d only be truly unsettled by Liam’s.

 

He goes out, against his better judgement, and focuses on trying to pick up anything but the smell of fear. 

 

Liam. Of course that would be who he picks up on the scent of. He's not really sure because the fear scent is getting unbearable but he's fairly convinced that he's picking up on  _ pain _ again...but it's different. 

 

_ Anguish _ . Emotional pain hurts more than the physical does. 

 

“It's Brett's number.” Liam's voice is just above a whisper but Theo is familiar with the way Liam's voice goes distant when he's particularly emotional. 

 

Lydia makes that face where her brows furrow like she's thinking but her mouth is making that little “o” shape that means she actually figured something out. Theo doesn't know what that particular combo of body language means. 

 

“They're trying to rattle us.” She says, thumbs in the pockets of her high waisted skinnies. Theo is having  trouble remembering this Lydia Martin standing before him as the same one he'd put in Eichen House a year and a half ago...let alone the same one from fourth grade who'd simply watched on coldly as if it was some how Theo's fault that Jackson Whittemore decided to put gum in his hair. 

 

“It’s working,” He says, eyes focused on the way Liam can barely force the golden glow back out of his eyes. 

 

He wonders, however briefly, if Lydia has the same trouble recognizing him as he does her. He's changed. From a year and a half ago when there had still almost been a chance of him graduating high school like a functioning member of society had his plans worked out better, and definitely from fourth grade. 

 

His eyes flicker for a millisecond from Liam and over to Scott. He's fucked up. Theo knows this. He should have just told Scott about the dread doctors and about being a Chimera from the start. He shouldn't have wanted to be an Alpha. Looking back his understanding of what an Alpha was and what Scott does it’s like two totally different things entirely.

 

He hears guns being prepped by the Hunters outside. Hears the steady thrum of a small armada of hearts beating. He can't tell it they're are more Hunters than he could briefly glimpse out the glass door to the sheriff's station or if they're all just beating unnervingly fast. 

 

If he was the Alpha he'd never be able to sort this kind of shit out. Never be able to make the kind of calls that Scott is forced to make. If worse comes to worse Theo resorts to murder as a default setting. He's not exactly proud to admit such a thing but it's true. 

 

Theo's much better suited for a position as an enforcer or soldier. It's only his natural urge to protect himself before others that keeps him from wanting to be a submissive little beta and follow someone else. Why didn't he just say these things from the start? Maybe he'd have a pack and be safe if he had.  

 

Maybe if he had Liam wouldn't be looking at him like he kicked a small defenseless puppy with every word that leaves his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so a couple things I decided to talk about before someone gets confused...
> 
> 1) the timeline for 6b makes no sense in canon so I'm kind of trying to establish one that make things work in the sense of the five seasons that lead up to it. 
> 
> So my timeline goes as follows: 6a: Gradutation for Old Pack/end of sophomore year for new pack <-this is canon, 6b: picks up after a gap year for Lydia (who could get away with taking one as she was accepted to MIT as a 3rd year), Malia (who's not going to college), and Scott (who needed to save up money in order to afford tuition), Stiles took some required general ed. classes prior to the pre-FBI program and the new pack had a relatively uneventful junior year. <-this is not cannon. Canon however has Liam and Mason and Corey magically being seniors immediately after being sophomores in 6a. So I had to come up with a sort of new or altered...or at least filled in timeline. 
> 
> 2) Theo knew Scott and Stiles in fourth grade, Stiles new Lydia since 3rd grade, suffice to say even if she didn't know Theo personally Lydia would've been someone Theo would remember from his childhood. Same with Jackson. 
> 
> Basically both these notes just say Caution Canon left holes in the plot and I'm trying to fill them in a little so no one falls into them.


	3. Theo vs. Reluctance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there is suicide mentioned in this chapter! It's literally only the word suicide and no graphic details because it's canon so if you've seen 6x15 you know how that plays out. However I feel I should warn that this chapter at least acknowledges the canon suicides.

Theo makes a note of how, when the power is cut and the person responsible is found, Liam's eyes widen and a brief and quickly overpowered whiff of  _ angry _ and  _ loathing _ makes its way into Theo's sinuses before melting back into the overwhelming  _ fear.  _

 

“He’s a liar and sick in the head.”

 

Theo feels the blood boiling in his skin. He’s not sure why but he wants to kill this kid. He would, in fact, but he’s in the sheriff station in the middle of a standoff. A standoff over the lives of two strangers that Theo would be perfectly content handing over if he had any power in this situation. Which he doesn't because no one trusts him…

  
  


‘ _ And for good reason.’  _ says an annoying little corner of his mind that sounds like Stiles.

 

‘ _ shut up’  _ he tells it, but not before he feels a tightness in his chest, and not for the first time. He's been feeling it a lot since he got out of Hell actually. He hopes he isn't going to have a heart attack after having Tara rip it out so many times. 

 

Then  _ Nolan, _ as Theo learns is the name of Liam's arch-nemesis (or the guy that Theo  _ assumes _ is Liam's arch-nemesis based on his ability to make Liam angry enough to overpower this awful  _ fear _ smell that's drenching the whole sheriff's station), attempted to kill Murderers-R-Us (aka Jiang and Tierney) with…. straight up wolvesbane in a vial. Really? What was he gonna do? Throw it at them and hope enough got in their lungs to kill them? 

 

Still, he puts Liam into anger mode pretty fast, so there's gotta be something about him that's more than meets the eye...or at least Theo's eye. 

 

Maybe it's an “emotions” thing. Theo's pretty bad with those, so it would make sense that he can't pick up on why Liam smelled enough like  _ anger  _ to murder someone. Theo shrugs it off because more important issues are at hand. Mainly Scott having a moral crisis over the fact Jiang and Tierney are both blue eyed murder wolves. Damn the sheriff's morals because Theo's fairly sure Scott would otherwise hand the pair over to the hunters in exchange for the Pack’s lives (and hopefully Theo would be able to stick close enough to get out of this alive too). 

  
  


Then the suicides happened. It's the first time Theo's seen a corpse since his three month stay in Hell. It makes him a little more nauseous than it used to. Maybe it's just the idea of taking one's own life that bothers him. Maybe it's the fact that the Nolan kid smelled like he just pissed himself and honestly? Fair enough. The guy just had a front row seat to two suicides. If Theo himself hadn't spent eight years with the dread doctors he'd be pretty shaken by that too.

 

“Monroe said she wanted Jiang and Tierney dead or alive.” Theo knows where this is going. There are two corpses. She wants two dead werewolves. You don't have to be a genius to make the connection. 

 

“Liam and I will bring the bodies out. We're strong enough to carry one each.” 

 

“I'll go. Liam should stay.” 

 

“Yeah except none of us trust you.” Malia practically growls. 

 

“Exactly what makes me the better choice.” Theo counters, not really sure why he's signing up for certain death. “I'm expendable. Liam is meant to take over for Scott if something goes wrong. He can't do that if he's out their dying.” 

 

“I'll hate to say that Theo has a point…” Lydia cuts into the conversation. 

 

“But Theo has a point.” Scott sounds tired. Maybe he's annoyed or resigned, Theo isn't sure but he counts it as a minor victory because Theo is the one who's taking the body out and not Liam. Which shouldn't be comforting because he's now in the line of fire but it is because at least Liam will live to see another day. 

  
  
He hopes so, at least. If he's going to die he wants it to be while he's doing something remotely good for once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still only on Theo's pov of 6x15...but we're getting somewhere finally. To the parts that happen between the scenes we've seen on the show like why exactly it was Theo who went to hand over the bodies to Monroe....or at least my version of why that happened.


End file.
